Well, I would’ve written this blog a lot sooner, but y’all.
I’ve been tired.
(And all the mamas of babies outside of the womb laugh, and laugh, and laugh).
Here’s the thing, though. I’ve had lots of sweet friends check on me the past few days and ask if I’m particularly exhausted. I am, but I’m not sure if it’s Peanut or if it’s because IT’S CURRENTLY AUGUST 44TH. I mean, I’m always dead-to-the-world after the ridiculously late hour of four in the afternoon this time of the year, so it’s hard to tell the difference.
Although, I will say that when I go close my eyes, it’s LIGHTS OUT. You could perform a mariachi number in my bedroom and I’ll be snoozing away. Usually, even though I’m so tired, this time of the year my mind won’t turn off. Not a problem now. So I guess there’s my measure of exhaustion.
Brain is checked out.
(Just hopefully when I’m only watching the back of my eyelids).
This little ole blog is my way of memory keeping in a way. One of the first ones I wrote is about planning our beach wedding, so it’s fun for me to look back and read. So indulge me for a minute as I try to sum up the past few weeks and get this down on
I totally knew. I knew for a couple of weeks before I took the first pregnancy test that I was indeed with child. The best way I know how to describe it is the very medical term “weird.” I just felt weird. I’d be halfway through dinner and I’d just have to take a break. I’d be walking around and feel a weird cramp, but not a normal cramp. Speaking of, my “monthly present” hadn’t arrived. So, I knew. That intuition thing took over.
But, here’s a little secret.
I didn’t take a test for about two weeks after I could’ve.
I know. So many ladies would take a test the moment they could, and I thought I would too, but I kind of enjoyed the “maybe” time. Now, we were early on in “trying.” (Sidenote: I cannot begin to tell you how I despise the phrase, “We’re trying.” I just picture other people picturing you-know-what and NOBODY WANTS TO PICTURE THAT.) In fact, I had just been to my doctor and told her our hopeful plans, and she reminded me that it could happen this month, next month, or years from now. And I have dear friends of mine who are still waiting or have been told to pursue other options. So part of me liked knowing it wasn’t a no for sure yet. Even though I knew I knew, I had told myself that the test would be negative. People just don’t plan these things and the timing work out so well. So I had fun just being hopeful. And the other part of me was scared out of my mind that I was because HI, I’M LACEY, AND I BARELY CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, CAN I COOK SOME MACARONI AND CHEESE NOW?
But then, that morning came where I was ready to find out for sure what my heart already knew. I took the test and it was dark plus sign before I could even set it down.
Brett was still asleep so I had a solid, silent freak-out in the bathroom for a minute and stared that test down in case it changed its mind. I’ll keep the next part of how I told him off the blog for now, but it was a sweet, precious moment between the two of us in disbelief.
(It did involve the words, “Oh my gosh.” “Is this for real?” “No way it’s for real.” “Oh it’s real.”)
(Then, Brett rolled over and went back to sleep. To his credit, our alarm was for 8:00 and I woke up wide awake at 6:00 after having a dream I had a positive pregnancy test. He stayed awake for an hour as he heard me ask a million questions and then he asked one, “So, will you be mad if I go back to sleep?” SLEEP?! AT A TIME LIKE THIS? “Go ahead, babe.” And he gone).
We went to church later that morning (Did we have something to praise about or what?!), and then went to lunch with my parents. I can’t keep a secret like that from my parents, so I knew I wanted them to know right away. Brett told them by leading the prayer at lunch, and he said something to the effect of, “Let us be half the parents Lacey’s has been to her.”
You know what happened next if you know my mama. Tears, screams, hugs, tears again, eat, scream one more time, questions, eat, and then hugs. It was fun already picturing my parents, best in the world, as GranGran and Grandfather (don’t even ask).
So, we went to the doctor and the nurse chuckled as she walked in our room, “Well, it showed right away. You are definitely pregnant.” (I, of course, had convinced myself that it was a false positive. I am such a fun person to be around). We met with her and she was so patient as I asked a hundred questions that she’s answered a million times. As we were leaving, we saw my doctor.
“Well, that was fast.”
And that’s the gist of our story. We are still in shock, amazed, thrilled, scared, and so very thankful all in one. It’s a fun, crazy time. My prayer life is alive and strong with this pregnancy. I pray throughout the day for the health, development, and safety of our child. I already see a glimpse of the joys and agonies parents go through.
(In case you didn’t catch my title, watch the above. I’ve always loved this clip and it could make me cry ANY MINUTE now. Not hormones or anything).
As I write this, I am 9 weeks. Still early, and if a friend of mine was telling the world at 9 weeks, I’d say it was early for her to tell. However, a couple of weeks ago we saw little baby (“alien” as Brett lovingly refers to him/her right now) at our ultrasound. And the best of all, we heard the strongest, most beautiful heartbeat. We actually SAW it too. Crazy, that baby at the time was only 8 MILLIMETERS long and we could see and hear the heartbeat.
As my doctor said, “How do you not believe in God after that?”
I asked when it was “safe” to tell, and she said tell now. I told her we had always heard “12 weeks” as the time to tell, but she reassured us it was safe after hearing that heartbeat. She said many do not hear it until 12 weeks, and after hearing it, any risk of miscarriage goes down to 5 percent. She told us go spread the joy. So, we did.
I’m sure some are questioning it and thinking it’s too early, and I hear ya. But after hearing the doctor, we were confident to tell. Does the worst sometimes cross my mind? It does. The devil knows how to make us fearful. But I am choosing to live outside of fear and “fear not,” as the Bible says 365 times (I don’t think that number is a coincidence). It has brought both of us so much joy and encouragement having others celebrate with us.
But I am praying. If I or especially Peanut cross your mind, please say a prayer for healthy baby and pregnancy. Everyone is asking if we want a boy or girl (Totally finding out. Those of you who don’t, God bless you.), and we just want a healthy baby. Totally cliche, but it’s true.
The best thing about all of this is that God is not surprised by any of it at all. He knew the moment Peanut would enter our world. He knows our future and He will be there every step of the way. That is the best comfort of all.
But my sweet husband rubbing my back in the middle of the night when aches wake me up, or bringing me Cinnabons in the morning is a definite second. He is going to be the best Daddy.
Thank you all for the well wishes! This child has lots of honorary aunts and uncles who already love him or her. We’re still waiting to hear from Nick Saban. I’m sure his card just got lost in the mail.
(This blog became longer than I thought, but my next one will be my vows about pregnancy and social media. I have some thoughts. Don’t miss it in a few days or when I get my next wave of energy at home, whichever comes first.)