It still hasn’t sunk in that all of the above are, you know, ME.
(Maybe that’s because the only thing Luke says when he sees me is, “MIIIILLLKKKKKK.”)
(He doesn’t actually express that in words, of course).
(But his eyes and general WAILING let me know that’s what’s on his mind).
(I got my mind on my milk, my milk on my mind…)
(I’m so sorry, I COULDN’T HELP IT).
Over a month later, I’m still in awe that this baby boy is ours. He is beautiful, healthy, alert, and looks just like his Daddy. What’s funny is he looks just like his Daddy like his Daddy looks now. Not his Daddy’s baby pictures (nor mine).
So I guess you could really say he looks like Luke.
I thought I’d take a minute while he is sleeping on my chest to document this early stage of motherhood. And if you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know I adore a list. This is so I don’t have to string together actual paragraphs and think of meaningful transitions.
(The baby book is upstairs, so this is much easier).
(The actual baby book may get completed by 2019).
Now, there’s going to be snark because HAVE WE MET, but please understand that I couldn’t love my baby boy more or be more thankful. I’ve said it before, but I have many friends who’d love to be a sleep-deprived milking machine, and I think of them at 4 a.m. and thank God for this cuddly blessing.
So with that said, in no particular order, some observations:
1. QUICK. Name the most common piece of advice most expecting mamas receive.
All together now:
“SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!”
Y’all, that’s hilarious. Because let me break that down.
Once he figured out that the bassinet is indeed not a torture device (thanks to the best invention ever, Swaddle Me blankets), this is totally true. As soon as I place him in it, I tiptoe to my bed and ZONKED. A mariachi band could play and I wouldn’t hear it, but he makes one little “cooo” and it might as well be an alarm clock.
However, during the daytime, Luke’s only place he’ll sleep is on me (or his Daddy when he’s home). Now, sometimes I catch a few winks during that time, but it’s just that. Because if he so much blinks too hard, I’m awake and making sure he hasn’t moved an inch. Oh, and he snores like his Daddy does sometimes, which sounds similar to a piece of farming equipment
A really, really cute John Deere, but a tractor nonetheless.
So instead of sleeping, I do my best to soak in these sweet moments of the baby snores, the arms curled up, his back arching up and down with every breath he takes, and being ever so content in his Mama’s arms.
The sleep will come later.
Probably in 2033.
2. Speaking of sleep deprivation, a few days ago Brett was holding him and he was bouncing all around his pacifier, but not actually taking it.
(Side note: I am PRO PACI and have no qualms about it. Thankfully, Luke doesn’t seem completely addicted to it, but if it happens, it brought some peace in the valley if you will and we’ll deal with breaking him of it later. #sorrynotsorry)
The following conversation then occurred:
Me: “You know, this is how people are with God. He stays in one place, and we run all around Him wondering where He is, when He never left.”
Brett: “Did you just compare God to a pacifier?”
Me: “Of course no– well, it made sense in my head and I’M TIRED.”
Pastors, feel free to use that analogy in future sermons.
3. I am so thankful for Brett. Honestly, I’ve wondered how in the world single moms do it and I’ve gained a lot of respect for them. He lets me sleep on the weekends, takes over when he gets home from work, encourages me, thanks me for doing the simplest tasks, understands why the house is messy and the laundry is untouched, and acts like a frozen meal is gourmet.
Luke is one lucky little boy.
4. The biggest thing I underestimated about motherhood is nursing. I knew I’d be tired and housework would go on the backburner for a while, but I didn’t realize how much time nursing would involve. Now, I am extremely thankful to be able to do it. That was one of my big worries before he arrived — if I would be able to. Not only does it save us money, but it’s also the healthiest choice for our baby boy (not that there’s a thing wrong with formula!).
But when you’re in childbirth class and they say babies nurse every 2-3 hours, that doesn’t sound like too much.
Until baby is here and you nursed him at 2:00, finished at about 2:30, and then 4:00 rolls around and baby boy is letting you know LOUD AND CLEAR that it’s dinnertime. Again.
Thankfully, it has been easier as time has gone on and more habitual. It’s also a huge relief to know he gained weight because during the time between doctor visits, I kept wondering, “IS HE EVEN EATING ENOUGH?”
(His dirty diapers should have told me that he was eating like a champ).
5. Speaking of dirty diapers, one of the most often heard statements around here lately is, “Babies are gross.” We say it with a smile or a laugh (usually), but as much as I knew it was going to happen, nothing will prepare you for projectile fill-in-the-blank.
6. The most helpless feeling ever is when you’re driving solo and baby is sobbing in the back. Yes, I know he’s fine and yes, there are far worse problems, but that is no fun.
Even Pharrell’s “Happy” didn’t help, despite my awesome singing and choreography from the driver’s seat.
7. I can pretty much recite to you HGTV’s daytime programming. Since Luke pretty much has to be held at all times (trust me, I want him to love the swing, but he can only last a few minutes), the remote is our best friend. I keep looking around the house and think, “Now if we knocked that wall down…”
That’s what happens when you consider Chip & Joanna Gaines from “Fixer Upper” to be close, personal friends.
8. I am starting to become convinced that babies have a sixth sense.
What is that, you ask?
When you have heated up your meal, prepared a sandwich, etc. and you sit down to eat said food.
It’s just a ticking time bomb for tears.
You become a one-armed eating machine!
9. My last observation is one that I know I will always remember the most. Despite the dark circles on all three of us at times, there is no doubt about this: The laughs are louder, the smiles are wider, and the love is deeper in this household. There is joy in the simplest of moments. Bath time is always a silly adventure, early morning cuddles with Daddy before work are treasures, and rubbing those sweet baby rolls that are beginning to form on those thighs is the stuff life is made of.
I am so grateful to see every memory, even the cries. Luke will be six-weeks old this weekend, and while I completely respect and understand those who choose to go back to work (and I know for many there is no choice), it would break my heart to leave him for hours each day, even being in good hands. We have become partners-in-crime.
You might be thinking that no crime has occurred.
But you haven’t changed one of his diapers.
We love you, sweet baby boy.
(All the above photos are by the fabulous Leila Hunt Photography).